Bullo e vittima: analfabeta emotivo


Da alcune ricerche sembra che il bullismo coinvolga addirittura il 41% dei bambini italiani.

Fenomeno che esiste da sempre, sembra che ormai abbia preso piede in maniera esponenziale, supportato anche dalla possibilità di diffondere le proprie bravate tramite i social. A tutti è capitato di essere oggetto di scherno o di assistere a qualche scena del genere: il bambino prepotente che prevarica con offese, parolacce, insulti, prese in giro o vere e proprie aggressioni fisiche e dispetti più o meno pesanti, la propria vittima designata, nella maggioranza dei casi un bambino riservato, timido che tende a subire e non reagire.

Cosa fare quando siamo coinvolti in situazioni del genere come educatori o come genitori? Quando andare a scuola diventa un grande problema o quando il bullo è proprio in casa nostra?

In che modo possiamo aiutare entrambi i soggetti coinvolti? Cosa c’è dietro al bullismo?

Le caratteristiche psicologiche del bullo e della vittima

Solitamente i bulli non suscitano grande simpatia, se non nella loro ristretta cerchia di gregari. Sembra che il bullo sia sicuro di sé e abbia una buona autostima, oltre che una scarsa capacità empatica nei confronti degli altri; entrambe queste cose sono in parte vere. I bulli sono soliti mostrarsi potenti e invincibili, attraverso la loro aggressività, che manifestano anche verso genitori e insegnanti. Tuttavia il bullo è in genere un bambino o ragazzo con una bassa autostima e molto spaventato. Sembra un paradosso ma in realtà il bullo per primo molte volte ha sperimentato quello che mette in atto con la sua vittima, magari non negli stessi termini e con le stesse modalità ma anche lui sa bene cosa sono la rabbia, la vergogna, l’umiliazione e la paura. Ha imparato che intorno a lui non ci sono punti di riferimento protettivi e confortanti, e che spesso mostrarsi vulnerabili significa offrire il fianco per essere schiacciati e quindi, in maniera non consapevole, attua una strategia che gli permette di invertire la rotta, di essere lui (o lei) quello forte, quello che domina la situazione, quello che detta le regole. L’empatia del bullo è scarsa perché entrare in contatto con le emozioni di sofferenza e umiliazione della sua vittima significa entrare in contatto con le proprie emozioni di quel tipo e per lui sarebbe una situazione di pericolo psicologico. La natura ce lo insegna, quante volte più un animale è spaventato più si fa grande e grosso?

E la vittima? Le vittime preferite dei bulli sono dei soggetti riservati, timidi, in qualche modo ritenuti una facile preda, poiché tendono a non reagire, avendo una bassa autostima, una povera vita sociale, una scarsa capacità di risoluzione dei problemi e varie difficoltà emotive. Sono tantissimi i bambini che soffrono in silenzio, stanno male, vivono delusioni o violenze e si tengono tutto dentro, esprimendo talvolta attraverso il corpo il loro malessere e sviluppando sintomi psicosomatici come mal di pancia, mal di testa o vomito. Bambini che fanno fatica a riconoscere le loro emozioni spiacevoli e comunicarle, che temono di essere veramente destinati a subire angherie data la loro inferiorità, vogliono sentirsi accettati dai coetanei e pensano che tacendo entreranno a far parte del gruppo o temono che parlando le cose potrebbero anche peggiorare.

Quali sono i segnali che un genitore o insegnante non dovrebbe sottovalutare?

  • Segni psicosomatici e calo del rendimento scolastico: i bambini bullizzati solitamente manifestano mal di testa, mal di pancia, problemi nello studio, difficoltà di attenzione e concentrazione;
  • Segni fisici: possiamo notare la presenza di graffi, lividi, ecc.
  • Piccole distrazioni come perdere costantemente oggetti o merendine;
  • Isolamento: le vittime di solito diventano più introversi e isolati, non vanno a scuola volentieri e non vogliono uscire.
  • Utilizzo eccessivo di internet come rifugio
  • Disturbi del sonno.o dell’alimentazione

Quali sono gli interventi più indicati?

Dal punto di vista clinico esistono diverse terapie per aiutare non solo le vittime, ma anche i bulli, poiché sono a loro volta vittime di se stessi. Il bullo infatti deve poter intraprendere un percorso al fine d’imparare a controllare la sua rabbia e a rispettare gli altri, attraverso una riconnessione con le sue emozioni. Le vittime devono invece lavorare sui torti subiti, a partire dalla propria autostima e fiducia in se stessi, per poi lavorare sulla fiducia nei confronti degli altri. I genitori sono una presenza fondamentale nel percorso e molto del lavoro viene fatto insieme a loro, al fine di aumentare la propria consapevolezza rispetto al ruolo che rivestono nella vita dei figli e il modello di riferimento che guida il loro stile educativo. Rivolgersi a un professionista resta di assoluta importanza per non lasciare al caso o al tempo un problema che potrebbe avere delle conseguenze anche molto gravi.

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